Thursday, October 13, 2005

Magic Bus This!

Time flies when you’re having fun in the LA sun. Can you believe it’s already been six months since your favorite blogger moved to the west side?!? I love my new home and everything, but you guys in LA have to get it together.

Los Angeles is a nutty ass town, and anyone who isn’t blinded from all the star gazing and opted to live a life of backing instead of FRONTING knows what I'm sayin'.

I found myself walking up and down Beverly Blvd today, looking for this office I had an appointment at. The anger that this trip brought out of my usually cool temperament, can’t be measured by modern day scales. I mean, really. It’s got me babbling on my blog and sharing personal horror stories instead of focusing on showing off my PR skills. What should hav etaken 2 hours mx, took me ALL DAY to do. I apologize to you guys, but Uncle Q has to vent. To even it out, I’ll drop some tracks in-between the bitch sessions.

PLAY~ Does This Bus Stop At 82nd Street-Bruce Springsteen

~~~Pictures from the Psycho Realm/Killah Priest/RZA show at The Knitting Factory last week are up at Chinky Eyed’s MySpace page. If you have the patience and look through all of them, you’ll find one or two of Uncle Q in the middle of the mob. (Theres a bad meaning bad not bad meaning good one of me and those Quinto Sol cats, taking a smoke break.)
Go check out the videos of the show at my peoples site,!!

So what’s up with LA bus drivers? I know LA caters to the ballers, shot callers, fast cars and has been stars, but there are hundreds of us still on the grind in these mean streets. There are even more of us who are forced to take the bus after un-official parking violations tows their car and wants over $500 to get it back after 3 days. (that’s gangsta) But I digress. Metro bus drivers are really on one. Someone needs to tell Metro to hold some sensitivity courses, teach their drivers to fall back and treat the customer with some Rodney Dangerfield respect!

PLAY~ Mark On The Bus-Beastie Boys

~~~The new movie”Waiting “ is…..aiight…..if you have nothing else to do, and you’re watching it for free…and feel like seeing some mindless, funny, goofy shit. They went waaaaay overboard with the pinga jokes, but all in all, it was aiight. If you’re not to terribly uptight, you should get at least one laugh out of it. I give it 2 outta 5, whatever that means.

PLAY~ Waitin' For The Bus-ZZ Top

Today, I called up Metro and asked them how to get to my destination in West LA. I would have searched in online but for some odd reason, SBC didn't have their shit together this morning and the DSL was out. Needless to say, Metro still got it all messed up. First they give me the wrong bus number, and since they didn’t have that right, the bus arrival times were way off. After waiting for a bus that was never going to come, I hoped on the next thing smoking and got moving.

PLAY~ Bus Stop-The Hollies

When I asked the driver when my stop was coming up, dude looked at me like I was on crack, and says, “Step behind the yellow line sir.” Oh, it’s like that, playa? Aiight…so I look down to step behind the yellow line…..wait…..there is no yellow line. Being the true Gemini asshole that I am, I say” Do you mean the dingy dirt line right there, cuz there is NO yellow line at all.” Angry bus-driver looks at me and says, “Sir, please don’t antagonize me while I’m driving the bus.” What?

PLAY~ Bus Ride- Lord Quas

Still somewhat calm, I say, “Listen, I just need to know when my stop is coming up, so I can get out of your hair.” (This is why Uncle Q is an asshole…dude was bald, but I threw the hair thing in to rub salt in the…baldspot.) He then looks at me and says, “I don’t know.” WHAT? “What do you mean, you don't know?” I ask, as my inner Bruce Banner’s brown eyes start to slowly turn green. “I mean it’s not my job to know where your stop is, you should know where you’re going!”

PLAY~ Take Two Copies DJ Z-Trip feat. Busdriver

My inner Hulk at this time starts to loose it, talking about, “I know this fool aint trippin’. “Well, excuse my ignorance sir, bu I am new in town, and really need your help.” “The bus will announce your street when it comes up.” He says, not even looking at me. So I sit down and let him rag on the next unlucky bus rider that dares ask a question. And sure enough, here comes verbal abuse victim # 2.

PLAY~ Magic Bus-The Who
PLAY~ Magic Bus-Kottonmouth Kings

It seems that when a bus driver is ahead of schedule, he will pull over and wait, so as not to screw up the timing. I find this odd, as I always either have to wait forever, or just miss a bus. I am not the only one who found this stopping to wait for time to catch up thing completely absurd. Victim #2 steps up and ask why the bus has stopped. Angry Bus driver looks at him with contempt and strts the tale of time reversal at the empty bus stop. V#2 explains that he is also on a schedule, and needs to get to his destination. The bus driver tells him, “You’re too impatient, if you just wait a minute, we will be on our way”. V#2, speechless at the thought of how hard he has just been owned in public, murks his way to the back of the bus, picking up his face the entire way.

PLAY~ Why Don't We Do It in the Road?-The Beatles


And of course, the fucking bus did not tell me when my stop was coming up, and as it wizzed past my stop at Mach 5, I pull the little bus stop cord, and watch as the driver goes for another 3 blocks before stopping.

PLAY~ I Missed The Bus-Kriss Kross

That’s LA for you.

Just like when the parking violations guy tried to explain to me how he can “work” for the city, without actually working for the city, and why it’s possible for my car to get towed, and LAPVB have NO idea why or where my hooptie is.

PLAY~ Fast Car- Tracey Chapman

Just like the same LAPVB guy telling me about downtown LA’s terrible parking situation, while I’m standing on a quarter mile strip, with NO CARS PARKED ON EITHER SIDE!

Just like the lady at my appointment today, forgetting to tell me that there are 4 different buildings with their same address on her street and she was about 5 miles south of where angry bus driver finally dropped me off.

Madness……sheer madness!

Just like how it took me 3 months to get a phone line installed in my BUSINESS office, because the building manager is too cheap to pay to replace the burnt out phone lines in the building, and basically getting me caught up in un-ending back and forth volley between building management and SBC. The only reason I’m online now is because I went back to my New York days and paid somebody to come in and “fix” my problem, on some under the table type shit.

Just like the last time I was on the bus, I swear to Jah himself, a old lady was speed walking to the bus, about a block away. I get on the bus and the driver starts to take off. I tell him, “Yo, there’s a old lady trying to catch the bus!” as he pulls off. He looks at me with a ill ice grill stare and says, “I bet she’ll catch the next one.” True story.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. No? Well, let me put it like this, LA is a great place, but it sucks. No other way to say it. I love the place, but gaddamn! What’s next, Earthquake tax, every time the earth moves, you gotta come outta pocket? Parking only for those who pay extra and have city permits for it….opps...they already DO THAT!

I don’t know…….I’m tired and LA has put me in a foul ass mood today. The Kush can’t even change my mood. It’s like that! But no matter what happens, Q always gets the last laugh! Peace to Larry Strickland, I never knew you, but I miss you brother!

PLAY~Bus Drivers School-Bob Newhart

Exhibit A: Exhibit B: Exhibit C: I rest my case.
Next up, Bikinis and Bums on Venice Beach aka Is That a $7 Dollar Falafel?

One ya’self…Peace to my homie-stromie Chill Will aka JRR…Get that meatball money homie and I’ll see you in NY soon! (I should have never left!)

I’ll holla!

PS…LA steals the Angels from Anaheim, then cries when Chicago steals a win tonight!
KARMA you B-----Itches!!!! (DJ Will Blast moment) Don't be mad, the Yankees are done so of course I'm hatin!

Hulk eat Metro Bus hubcap! Q happy!